per request...

Tyra: (flashing photo) Heather, you are still in the running to become "America's Next Top Model"...

Heather: (falling to her knees, weeping) Oh Tyra! Thank you so much!

Tyra: Well, you are 8 inches too short, 10 pounds too fat, your teeth are crooked, and you can't walk the runway...but your pictures saved you this week....Let's see them again, shall we? These are fierce.

Mid-day crisis

I. Cut. My. Hair. Off.


I couldn't take it anymore.


Think a cross between Peter Pan and Zach Efron.



(images from Photobucket)

That's me.

One Year Run Down...with a side of melt down.

Yesterday morning Beau had his one year check-up at the doctor's office. I ALWAYS schedule morning appointments, as somehow, someway, someone with my DNA is a morning person. It just always makes it easier to do things in a time slot when you're pretty sure your kid is well rested, well fed, and ready to negotiate any sort of tantrums or fits of rage.

Beau has always been so good at the doctor's. He would only whimper a short minute after he got his shots, and was really his charming self the rest of the time. The nurses found him to be cooperative. Our pediatrician impressed with his his social skills. The receptionists LOVE him and fight over who gets to flirt with him as we are checking out. So in general, not a bad experience.



UNTIL YESTERDAY.



I don't know what it is about turning one, but suddenly, the kid has memories of the pediatrician's. Now, the last time we had been there was about 2 months ago to get the second dose of his flu shot. And he had done wonderfully. Today, we walk into the little room they put us in, he looks around, and decides no thanks. His eyes get really big and started to well up. He looked at me like, "Please, don't do this to me. If you love me, you won't". The whimpers started as I was stripping him down to his Pamper. The nano-second I sat him on the scale to be weighed, all his emotions came hurling out in wails and screams. Getting weighed. Thrashing around and shrieking on the scale. Although, I have to say, I have had similar situations myself late in pregnancy when those evil witches "had" to weigh me and make record of it. But I digress.


The melt down continued as the poor nurse measured his head and height. It continued on the way back into the room. As the nurse came and got us for the vision test. During the vision test. On the way back to the room. As we waited for the doctor to come in. As I was trying to read the doctor's lips as she was talking to me (I certainly couldn't hear her). By the time she is examining him he is in full break-down. Ear-piercing shrieks that would break your heart. Crocodile tears streaming down his blood shot face. Full body convulsions. I'm sure all the other kids who were hearing our little outburst echoing down the halls and through the walls were nervously wondering what torturous activity was being done to that kid, and hoping that they would not be next. And not once had the first person even whispered the word s-h-o-t.


Then he got three of them.


He really lost it. Like all the anticipation and build up had payed off and it was as terrible as he had remembered. Thanks a lot mom. I begged you to get me out of here and look. Look. Told you so.



We finally got home and Beau took a three hour nap.
I needed a cold shower and a hard drink.
All before lunch.

***********************************************************

One year stats:

weight: 22 pounds 8 ounces

height: 28 and three quarter inches


Currently Leo is doing round-offs and back-hand-springs because we are finally weaning off powdered gold, er, I mean formula. It's all "big boy" food from here on out.

I am eagerly awaiting the delivery of Beau's forward facing car seat! He hit those magic numbers of being over 20 pounds and one year old. I can't wait to be able to see him in the car and hand him things to shut him up, ahem, I mean, entertain him. (PS. Tip for other moms: look online for big baby purchases like these toddler car seats. RipOffs R Us had the one we ordered for $275 and not even the color we wanted. We found the same one online for $209. Free shipping.)

Tooth watch 2009: Still that lone little ivory. Not even an incling that another is trying to poke through.

Walking, running, jumping, dancing (he has his dad's moves, for sure...poor guy). He has this armchair I ordered him for his birthday, and one of his favorite things to do is run full speed and dive into it.

New annoying skill: taking his own diaper off. So far its only when I'm trying to change him...but this might present to be a problem in the future.

So that's pretty much the one year summary....

I will now be accepting applications for someone to take him to his 15 month check up in May...

The Best Year of My Life....so far

Me and my ONE YEAR OLD!

Last Sunday Beau turned one. A whole year. Geez Louise. Were does the time go? And what does every one year old need? An over the top party of course! A Dr. Seuss inspired party with 30 of our closest family and friends!

For those of you who don't know me, parties really get my juices flowing. All of a sudden I am taken over by the instantaneous urge to bake and craft. A couple trips to Hobby Lobby later and...

These were the invites I sent out. Thanks to Lori and Katie who tirelessly cut out hams and plates. And when I found one that was not good enough, and made them do it again, they didn't curse me...at least not out loud. It takes a special person to put up with my pickiness.

Well, I guess you remember the cake catastrophe? (If not, please read the previous post) This is what I came up with after that. 2 large 3 layer cakes and Beau's small smash cake. Thanks to my good friend Jaime who gave me cake decorating lessons and let me use all her fancy cake equipment. That is a "Green Eggs and Ham" made out of fondant on top of the cake with the circles. I had originally made a "Cat in the Hat" hat for the top of the other cake. But I scrapped that idea when each one I tried to make had an uncanny resemblance to a certain part of the male anatomy. A striped one. But one none the less. (Maybe my calling is making cakes for bachelorette partys...hmmm). Anywho...continuing...The yellow "flower" I made out of tissue paper and a styrofoam ball and some floral wire. It is supposed to be the flower from "Horton Hears a Who". I used a couple Seuss books as part of this center piece, and more books were used on other tables, too.

I also came up with little rhymes Seuss-style. On the buffet, there was one next to the cookies I made for guest gifts (in cellophane bags with a little blue satin ribbon, I might add). It said, "Coming to our party was oh-so-sweet, please enjoy this tasty treat!".

Ok. Ok. Enough showing off how cute and crafty I am. Thank you for letting me have my moment. I put a lot of work into it...

Anyway, it was lovely day, which I am thankful for, because I was concerned about everyone having enough room to move around. People were able to sit outside (and all I had to do was lure them out with the beer cooler). Beau was not too happy that his favorite friend (the cake monster) was also banned to the backyard. But I wasn't going to risk another disaster.

The annihilation of the smash cake: At first Beau wasn't so sure. He just kind of sat and looked at the cake. Then he put his finger in. Then his hand. It took him a hot minute to warm up to the idea of putting his hands all in it. Once he did, it was on. Although, I think in the end he didn't get too much IN his mouth.

Leo and the Birthday boy (after a quick bath) opening presents.My sister Lori and her boyfriend Matt enjoying some yummy cake.Busted! Me-maw is caught letting Baxter lick her plate. It was a wonderful day, and a wonderful memory...if not for Beau, for me. Who knows, maybe in the distant future, Beau will be able to step into his time-travel-space-jet and visit his first birthday party. I don't think he'd be disappointed.

FOR SALE

One gently used, neurotic, over protective, hyper-active, slightly loveable, beagle mutt he-mix.

Disclaimer: Don't be fooled by this sweet face and waggly tail. He is BAD.

You thought the Ritz crackers and bed turds set me off? Oh no. This one, well, it takes the cake. Pun intended.

These were in the process of becoming a birthday cake for the record books. Too bad they didn't make it through the 30 minutes it took me to take a shower this morning. That dog jumped up on the counter, opened the foil, and proceeded to eat a cake and a half. Plus the frosting off one side of one that had been finished. I kid you not, as I am typing this, my blood is boiling and I swear steam is about to shoot out of my ear canals.

Ok, let me walk you through this madness. On the far left is the cake that was iced and got licked. On the stove there were ORIGINALLY 4 cakes on the cooling racks with foil over them. As you can now see, the one on the left is COMPLETELY gone and the one on the right got half-eaten. He must have heard me coming down the stairs.

Or he was full.

Luckily, he couldn't get the ones in the back.And these two on the far right were spared too... but I think that is just because I really tucked the foil under that one. Thank goodness.A close-up of the damage done here. It was so cute with little multi-colored fondant stars.

Is it just me or does anyone else realize that this always happens when Leo is out of town?

Hilarious.

Dog house included. All sales final.

Park It

70 degrees in early February? Yes, please! Taking advantage of the in-cred-i-ble weather my mom and I took Beau to the park. The last time we were able to go was in October, and Beau had just learned how to stand up on his own. So now that he is running around like a mad man, I was excited to see him scamper around, climb on things, and really get dirty. Like a proper boy should...

Well... not so much.

Turns out, Beau isn't really a fan of the park anymore. He HATED the feel on the pine straw on his hands. He would touch the wood on the jungle gym, make a face, and the walk away, brushing his hands off. I couldn't even get him NEAR a slide. The tube he loved so much here... He nervously backed out of it everytime. The only thing he wanted to do was roam around the open grassy area.

Not so sure about that pine straw...

Surely he would love the swings! He couldn't swing long enough last time! Well, he would laugh for a minute (long enough for me to get a few cute pictures...) and then get this weird, sea-sick, nervous look on his face. So we only swung (swang? swing swang swung?) for a couple minutes.

Hmmm....so let's review: The dirt? No thanks. Swings? Terrified. Jungle gym? Ew. Slide? Don't even think about it. Tube to crawl through? Not so much.

Um, there was, however, one thing that Beau absolutely loved at the park. He just couldn't get enough of it. Ahem, too bad it was a little girl's lilac baby doll stroller with pink flowers. *sigh*

Sorry, Leo.

OVERDUE

So, February 8th of last year was my DUE DATE. The date I had been focusing on, waiting for, counting down to, and repeating to people over and over for nine months. February 8th! I eagerly awaited it, and patiently watched it come and go... and by patiently, I mean using vile and profane words toward my husband and wanting to claw the eyes out of anyone who asked me when I was going to "have that baby". Peeing in your pants everytime you sneeze does that to a person.

I was a ray of sunshine. A 200 pound ray of sunshine.

Mr. Personality

It is so hard to get clear pictures of Beau these days. He won't sit still for a second. And that stinks for you because his facial expressions keep me laughing all day. Well, that, and watching the train wreck that is the "TYRA" show.

25 Random Things:

I am a sucker for these things. Mostly I like reading other people's, but its only fair to participate... It's been circulating Facebook like pinkeye in daycare...






25 Random things about Heather:



1. I love writing things down. I have notes to myself all over the house. I LOVE good pens and paper. I make lists obsessively, and look forward to writing in my calendar.


2. I love musicals. 99% of my music collection is showtunes. I'm a nerd.


3. Some people can't walk and chew gum... Well, I can't run and NOT chew gum. I have to have a piece of Trident original everytime I work out.


4. I have an unhealthy relationship with Hobby Lobby. Everytime I go in there I am inspired to craft, knit, needlepoint, paint, weld, sew, decopage, etc...


5. I've rubbed my ears ever since I was little.


6. I have awful road rage. I'm ashamed of the foul things that spew from my mouth while behind the wheel. Otherwise I am the most non-confrontational person in the world. I cried one time at O'Charleys because Leo made me complain about my salad.


7. I am terrified of things that live in water. Fish, octopus, jelly fish, crab, WHATEVER.


8. I don't really "do" nature. I hate camping, hiking, climbing, bugs, dirt, sweat, etc... I do appreciate it, however...I'll admire it from this amazing picture window, in the air conditioning, thanks.


9. I am competitive about EVERYTHING. I have to bigger, better, funnier.


10. I've never broken a bone, and until last year, never even had a cavity.


11. I'm a texture person. I can't eat grits, jello, pudding, oysters, anything that is mushy or has to be swished around in your mouth.


12. I have such a guilty conscience...I can't even press "yes" to the "Do you qualify for a senior discount?" question in the self-checkout lane at Kroger... I just feel so bad...

13. My husband makes me laugh harder than anyone else. And he's handsome to boot.


14. I squeegee the shower doors when I'm done in the shower.


15. I don't cook. I want to. I like to. It's just that it takes me four hours to make one of Rachel Ray's so-called "30 minute meals".


16. I really want a tattoo but will never get one because I have a hard time committing to my decisions.


17. I love being a mom with every pore in my body. Let's face it, I was worried. I never even really liked kids... Beau has made me a better person.


18. I am early for everything. I know exactly how long it will take to get somewhere and I start to get really anxious if I start falling behind my "schedule".


19. I'm a perfectionist and major control freak. In school I was always the one in the group who did the entire project by themselves. I felt like no one could do as good a job as me... and they wouldn't have.


20. A man with a prominent adam's apple gives me the willies. You know, a really pointy one that moves a lot...


21. I hate talking on the phone. Boarderline phobia. Please email or text me.


22. I act things out in the mirror. I'm talking everyday situations (like going to the bank) and scenes from shows/movies/my mind...


23. 95% of what I own is second hand.


24. If I concentrate really hard on what time I have to get up in the morning, I'll wake up at that time without using an alarm clock. It's a gift.


25. I'm jealous of people who enjoy living a healthy lifestyle. I want to... but hot wings and beer...

A convo with my better half

The following is based on a true event. After it happened I made a mental note to tuck it away for blog post, and then, well, my note went missing. I had a "eureka" moment today when I remembered this little gem. The names and locations have NOT been changed...

The time: A random day in December 2008
The place: the living room of the Furlong estate
.........................................................................................
Heather: (sitting on the couch, in her pjs, hair struggled to put in a ponytail, flipping through a magazine) I think I'm going to get my haircut... What do you think about that?

Leo: Fine, just don't spend a lot of money.

Heather: Hmm...What do you think about bangs?

Leo: What are bangs?

Heather: Or maybe I should try to grow my hair out? I can't decide.

-beat-

Leo: Oh! I know! You should cut your hair, like, a little longer than chin length. Yeah! I would like that.

-beat-

Heather: LEO. MY HAIR IS CURRENTLY A LITTLE LONGER THAN CHIN LENGTH.

Leo: Nuh uh. Let me see.

(Heather takes her pony tail out.)

Heather: SEE?

Leo: Oh, it is. I like it.